After Election Day Needs…
While the election has not been officially decided, regardless of the political outcome I want to share some thoughts. Originally conceived as a “Do’s and Don’ts” list for white people, I decided to center my needs. If a section calls to you, then it’s for you. And if it’s not applicable, use it as a “window” moment and learn about someone else’s experience. Quick bio: I’m a cisgender Black man, who uses he, him, his pronouns; I’m a father, married, blended family, Afro-Caribbean immigrant, Bronx raised and BX resident, work at a predominantly white institution, an equity practitioner, late 30s, and many other identities. I share that brief bio so that you see, hear, and value my experience and words.
I need…you to realize that you are still here. While teary-eyed, disappointed, frustrated or whatever emotion you are feeling, you are still here. Your life matters. You are your ancestors’ dream and you make them proud. I see you and hold space for the various ways that you may feel. You are not alone.
I need…empathy. You may not have lived in a Black body nor experienced racism firsthand and, yet, you have felt disappointment, which I currently feel. You’ve been scared and upset, so you can understand my feeling in this moment. Connect on the deeper level of our shared emotions. Be in this moment with me.
I need…you to recognize that your performative allyship hurts more than blatant racist comments because it erodes trust and connection. All the social media posting does not matter if you did not talk bravely with your partner, parent, children, cousins, best friends, random associate that you converse with in the grocery line from time to time about white supremacy, racism and other -isms and -phobias. Your posts loudly proclaimed that you were positioned to catch me during our trust fall moment. That moment came and many of you returned to the comfort and security of white supremacy. Brene Brown, a writer, thinker, researcher, reminds us: “To opt out of conversations about privilege and oppression because they make you uncomfortable is the epitome of privilege.”
I need…you to not answer or respond to the email or text saying “how tough this moment must be for you” or “I’m thinking about you today.” Protect your heart today and everyday. The well-intentioned comment backfires and weakens our connection. What I hear is that you are separated from this moment and, more importantly, you are separated from me. Implicitly, you flaunt your unconscious privilege to disconnect. And if you do answer that email or text, do it vulnerably and honestly because you should not shrink and mold yourself to fit their expectation of you.
I need…time and space to feel my feelings. If you need to call off from work, please do so. If taking the day off is not an option and you are in a position to work remotely, do that. I’ll be better able to manage my emotions in the relative comfort and safety of my home space. I’ll be better served not having to brave the smirks, the rude comments, and the microaggressions, while traversing the city or country streets. As a Black person, I am expected to manage my feelings (if I can even acknowledge them) and still function at an exceptionally high level during work. It’s unfair.
I need…this day to not be treated as just a normal day. If you want to connect with me then acknowledge that with actions - cancel work, make it remote, provide processing spaces for my colleagues and me. Do something differently because today is not a typical Wednesday.
I need…my life and the lives of those forced on the margins to be centered. Black, woman, trans, queer, less affluent, immigrant, non-Christian, young and old, differently abled physically, mentally and emotionally, etc. folks exist and our experiences need to acknowledged and used as the basis for decision making.
I need…people to acknowledge that white supremacy is responsible for racism. The insidious belief that white people are superior to all others results in the disregard and dismissal of BIPOC. And you can substitute white for male, heterosexual, Christian, wealthy, etc. and you’ll name the belief that is responsible for -isms and -phobias. We need to shift that belief if we want meaningful change to occur.
I need…you to realize that your individual “lack of” experience with racism, sexism, homophobia does not erase or condone the systemic nature of these -isms and -phobias. “It doesn’t bother me” comments only highlight how white supremacy allows a selected few to “make it” as a way to challenge and disprove that the system, which disadvantages many others, exists.
I need…you to no longer be silent about your hurt, your trauma, your experience, your questions and your pushback. Silence allows for the system to continue unnamed and unaffected in the background. Kimberle Crenshaw, a writer, thinker, and inventor of the term “intersectionality” during her Ted Talk says, “…where there’s no name for a problem, you can’t see a problem, and when you can’t see a problem, you pretty much can’t solve it.” White supremacy is the name for our country’s problem.
